I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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