woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This house was built for laser tag.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
