Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
