Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
