if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
