I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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