You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
