Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
