i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
