I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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