why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
