im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
