im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i've created a new STD.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
