i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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