i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
