Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
