I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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