Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
