He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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