Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
