I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
