fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
