I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
