I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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