she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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