If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
