i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm at about main and main street
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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