I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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