you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
