We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize