He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
