i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't notice because vodka
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
