We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
