When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
