This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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