I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
