grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
