Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
