soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
