I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
