He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
