I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Less talking, more tequila
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
