it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
