I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Vodka?
Forever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
