I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
