need another drink. this is the easiest way
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
