Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
