If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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