Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
