i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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