I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
