Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
