You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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