Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
