So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is Oprah even human
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
