we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
