Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
