I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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