he was CRYING into my vagina
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Even my vagina gasped.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
