So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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