I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
