She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
