Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
