if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just blew my weed a kiss
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
