He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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