it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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