I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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