you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A bitchslap is in order.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
