It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
