CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
