I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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