yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
