I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
