Dual....:-)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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