it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
