I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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