mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
