I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what day is it and did you see me today?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Green mimosas i think yes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
