I'm lost and stupid without you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
