I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
