Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sext me about skeletons
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
